Okay, I’m convinced that Morel mushrooms, you know the ones that look like a human brain on a stick, are nothing but an urban legend created to make people like me feel inadequate.
Seriously! I’ve spent hours picking through my woods, following the sage advice of supposedly experienced mushroom hunters, and have so far come up with exactly squat. Is it possible that my little neck of the woods (literally) is the only 14 acre plot of forest in the entire country that hasn’t a single brain on a stem within its boundaries? I mean, is that possible?
Come on mushroom hunters…you can admit it here…I won’t tell anybody…hehehe…It’s all a cruel joke isn’t it? Nobody’s ever found Big Foot either. Or the Loch Ness monster. I’m picturing old giganto paw and his friend Nessie sitting somewhere together chomping brains on sticks.
All the sage advice: “Look in the shadow of a dead Elm tree.” Been there. “No, no search beneath an Ash tree.” Done that. “Poke around with a stick and the stupid things will appear before your very eyes like sprites in fairyland.” Yeah right.
I’ve been had. I’m morel-less. And I’m not going to fall for the bullshit again.Wait…What? Where? Are you sure…because I’ve just about worn my mushroom hunting stick completely down to the nubs? It’s now a hunting toothpick. Okay. Yeah, I’m coming. Just give me a minute…
Erm, okay, I have to go…um…clean a bathroom right now.
I’ll talk to you later. And don’t worry, I’ll say hi to Big Foot for you.