Yeah, I’ll admit I’m functioning under a God complex. Who wouldn’t be? I mean, I can give a good man love or take a bad man to his knees with just the stroke of a pen (or key #:0). I can make the skies boil and the seas foam. I control time, conjure magic, and bring entire continents to heel. I am writer, hear me roar, prostrate yourselves before me or I’ll smite you with a single keystroke. (Okay, it might take several keystrokes – I’m good but not that good.) I can right wrongs, banish evil, and scour Heaven and Hell for solutions to the world’s problems.
Give me a cheating spouse. I’ll make his peeper shrink. I’ll make an evil mastermind cower in my presence. Under my deft touch, a lost child is found, a found child is lost, and giant snakes eat both the cheating spouse and the found child in one hearty chomp.
Yes, it’s a heady power and one not to be wielded lightly. Which is why I’m initiating a call for writers to be licensed. Not everybody is equipped to handle such power. It might go to their heads or their…erm…fingers.
And to make sure the correct people are in charge of controlling the worlds they write, I’m declaring myself the single arbiter of all licensing. Only I will decide who can be a writer. Because I’m smart and strong and capable enough to not let it go to my head.
I mean, everybody knows I’m smarter than the rest of the world. So of course I should be in charge.
Happy reading everybody!